Can you be a good Christian and say No to people and things? Yes, yes you can.

Can you be a good Christian and say No to people and things? Yes, yes you can.

A common misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what it means to be a nice person, or a polite person means to say yes to everyone and everything, I mean after all you don’t want to be rude, right? A couple things with this, 1. Being an ethical, faithful servant of God is not the same as being “nice” and 2. Taking care of yourself and your own well-being is never being rude to someone else. Somewhere along the way Christianity has co-opted the meaning of kindness or sacrifice to mean self-sacrifice and to romanticize this idea.

We see self-sacrificial love in the Bible. In Greek it’s the word Agape and it is extremely important- the best type of Love you can give. But a self-sacrificial love in the biblical sense is not politeness or kindness (not saying you shouldn’t be those things) but it means giving up a piece of yourself for the benefit of someone else.

Many times, people pleasers while formed by our society people please for their own benefit- it makes them feel good to please someone else or be seen a certain way in someone’s eyes. It makes people feel like they are good and meeting expectations. While again these things aren’t bad, this is for the person, not for someone else. This is not what the Bible means when it talks about love and self-sacrificial love.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that many pastors and church volunteers are people pleasers. People pleasers have a heart for serving others and want to give of themselves, but Christianity has taken advantage of these people and society has convinced us this is the best way to be. Unfortunately, it can be taken too far and create a lack of boundaries that created poor mental health for the individual and maybe even their family and loved ones.

To set boundaries is actually a very loving and thoughtful thing to do. Boundaries create healthy environments for everyone involved, they help preserve and protect individuals’ mental health and they model mutual, respectful relationships to those around them.

I know it can feel rude when someone asks you to volunteer that Saturday at the church or to help them do a house project and you say no but if saying yes would only, please them and not bring you any pleasure then saying no would be the kind thing to do for yourself. We can’t be all things to all people and while good intentions go a long way, taking care of yourself and being true to what your and your family’s needs are go longer.

Saying yes because you genuinely want to instead of because you feel you should bring fulfillment not obligation.

I know it might sound strange hearing a pastor encouraging you to say no to volunteer opportunities and to helping friends but I’m not talking to everyone out there or every situation, I’m talking to people who have a hard time justifying saying no even when they know they should. I genuinely believe volunteering and helping other people fills our souls but we have to do it when our cup is full and we have something to give. We have to do it because we want to and not because we are looking for praise.

If we look at Jesus, before thinking about it, people would probably assume Jesus was a people pleaser, well because of course they are the most giving people but when I read scripture, I don’t think Jesus was a people pleaser. I think Jesus was self-sacrificial and I think he suffered and thought of others before himself but not to the point where he let his needs go so unmet he became a burden to someone else or himself.

I think God would say a big part of loving others, is loving ourselves first so before you say yes to something, make sure you are saying yes for the right reasons and make sure it’s going to fill your cup, not empty it.